sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
