id be glad to
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
