I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
