I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
