and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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