Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
its not stalking. its research.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
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