Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
foreskin is a definite game changer
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize