At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
