did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
