Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I still have a little drunk in my system
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
