I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
