Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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