No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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