Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
