i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
jump out the window naked night went bad
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
