You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
