I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Randomize
