the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Randomize
