proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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