Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I want to be your penis for a week.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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