it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
my poor anus
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
