That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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