apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
