need another drink. this is the easiest way
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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