u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
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