Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
