HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
