idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Randomize
