I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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