also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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