I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
