Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
