new low.... made out with someone while peeing
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
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