are you still at the devil's house?
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
