every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
