I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
