checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
