swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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