$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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