guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
