There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
