There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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