remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
