I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
She's the barista slut.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Randomize