I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Randomize
