im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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