all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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