Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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