If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
