Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
