God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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