new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
