What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
how does that bad decision feel?
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