she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
