I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
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