both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
