1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Randomize
