Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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