i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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