We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
