It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
