sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Randomize