Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
