Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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