Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
