but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
